Welcome Back to the Church: You Can Make a Difference

I am technically a Catholic, but I don’t think I’ve ever really been a good Catholic. More like an I-Was-Born-Catholic-So-I-Still-Am Catholic. A Christmas/Easter Catholic. A My-Kids-Are-Baptized Catholic. I tried to be a good person, but I wasn’t too concerned with the church. Autism only widened that gap. The few times we tried to go to church after Christopher was diagnosed with autism, he caused a scene or ran out screaming. We were embarrassed and felt judged and he was miserable. It seemed pretty pointless, so we didn’t think about it much.

As my boys approached grade-school age, I did sort of wonder about the Catholic sacraments (Reconciliation and First Communion usually happen in second grade). What did the Catholic Church do for kids with autism? What did they expect of Christopher? Was there a place for him in the church? But, it was never more than a passing thought and greater medical, insurance, school and other concerns quickly took its place.

Then one day about two years ago I got an email that was sent out to everyone in my parish. They were starting a Ministry with Parishioners With Disabilities, and the woman who was coordinating it was holding an informational meeting. Sacrament preparation was mentioned in the email. I decided to go because it seemed like a good opportunity to find out what I should do for my son. I thought that I would sit in the back and listen, and ask a few questions about the sacrament prep to see what I needed to do. But that’s not what happened.

The group was really small, and the coordinator was a parishioner who saw a need – to reach out to families with disabilities in the parish – and wanted to do something about it. The pastor began the meeting saying that he realized it was hard for families with special needs to come to mass, that he didn’t know much about the specifics of these families’ needs and struggles, and he wanted to hear how the church could help.

I explained how I thought the church could be more welcoming to families with autism – how to make the mass more sensory-friendly, events the church could host for families to help them feel part of the community. And… they listened. Of course, it wasn’t just me. All of the members shared their experiences with the disabilities in their families. And together, we developed ideas for a monthly sensory-friendly mass, a sacrament prep class for kids with special needs, family holiday events, family support events, speakers, social and service events for teens with special needs, and outreach to the community and other parishes and facilities. It all came together really well and really quickly. And just like that, my family was part of the church community.

Christopher in his adapted sacrament prep class

Christopher’s First Reconciliation

We were able to implement our ideas and it has had a real, positive impact on the families in our parish. Our parish was awarded the 2015 Loyola Press Opening Doors Parish Award, which was presented by the National Catholic Partnership on Disability last month at our monthly Mass of Welcoming and Inclusion.

Our pastor Fr. Hallinan being presented with the 2015 Loyola Press Opening Doors Parish Award by the NCPD

I am thrilled that I was able to be part of something that really makes a difference for people in the autism (and other special needs) community. I’m not saying that without my participation that the committee wouldn’t have done great things, or been recognized and/or awarded. But I do know that I brought something to the table and that I was able to be a voice for kids like my son Christopher and families who share my struggles and concerns. I am grateful that I am able to be part of such a receptive group that is truly aiming to better the church community and help families like mine be a part of it.

It’s really easy to complain about how hard everything is for families with special needs – and there is PLENTY to complain about, from insurance to education to finances to medical treatment… the list is endless. I’m not saying that changes shouldn’t be made on a larger scale, or that you should be expected to make all the changes. What I’m saying is: If you are aware that a change is needed, don’t assume someone else is going to do it. Don’t assume that others know more about it (or have more experience, or could do a better job) than you. Don’t assume that it will be difficult, that there will be a lot of red tape, or that you will have to fight for what it is needed (this might happen, but it might not). Don’t assume that you can’t make a difference – because maybe you CAN, and maybe YOU will.